Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
