i just wanna soil my oats bro
Non-Jews are for practice
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
