He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
