That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i now understand why vodka
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
