did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
