Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
