so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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