I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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