im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
