im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
