FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
