We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
