whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
