Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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