my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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