Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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