i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
