you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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