my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Floor bacon is actually really good
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
