I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
