I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
