i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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