i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
