woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
