How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
