i wish my penis had a tongue
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
