So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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