he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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