Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
