I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
