this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
