there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
