i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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