Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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