I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
