I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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