Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
