I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
