the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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