Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
