woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
