Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
