she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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