I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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