You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
