if i can run in heels then i can drive
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
