How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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