I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
