I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It was confusing and full of hummus
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Randomize
