So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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