At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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